shuffle shuffle...

I feel like this is the motto of my life right now, from the way that I walk.. shuffle shuffle... to nesting and moving things from one side of the room to the other... shuffle.. shuffle... to the date our dear baby is supposed to be arriving... SHUFFLE ..SHUFFLE... geesh, I am tired of it all! I am trying to balance my hormones with the realities that I am facing. The lack of control is throwing me for a loop, why did I think I was in control in the first place??? I am learning the hard way that you can "plan" as much as you want, but keep in mind that the rug can be pulled out from under you at any time =) I am now trying to face the thought that having a "planned" csection is somehow going to be anything but planned. (take a deep breath kelsey) I am beginning to realize that as they keep bumping my date up the reality of the situation is presenting itself, surgery, sleepless nights, crying newborn, potential depression.... (breathe again..) Keep focused on the positive... healthy baby, sweet soft breathing of a newborn asleep, first smiles, Gabby learning that baby is staying and she is now a big sister! the amazing smell of a newborn after a bath =) hmmm thats more like it!!! Unfortunately this is my personality.. definitely a realist. Always looking at BOTH sides of the picture not just the good side, but I am trying to focus and realize that you can acknowledge the backside of a picture but you have a choice in which way you will hang it and I would rather spend my days looking at the pretty side. So here I go, no plan for this baby, it can't stay in there forever I am told =) My day's will unfold however they choose to and I will just remind myself to breathe and move on!

broken scale

I am convinced that my scale must be broken. This morning it is telling me things that cannot possibly be true! I know pregnancy is supposed to be beautiful and the weight is good and all..... but seriously? Someone skinny made that line up. I know all of you will be reading this saying "what is she thinking she's not big at all" or something to that effect and I would like to remind you of the time that you were pregnant (if you were) and the last weeks that you were facing as the everyday mundane tasks put before you become unbearable to do and the broken scale decides to gift you with an extra pound every week to add to the discomfort. And just to prove my point I may not look like a whale... but I weigh as much as one, ok maybe just a baby whale. Now I'm thinking I can move past this, I think my doctor will frown upon it if I go on a strict no carb no sugar no nothing diet =) I will sacrifice my body for my unborn daughter.. lucky girl. Poor mummy. I just would like to say that being a mom, right from the moment of conception is the hardest job on earth and requires much sacrifice, but with much sacrifice always is MUCH JOY. We are starting to realize that in just a few weeks we will be blessed with the newest member to our Sohnchen clan, preparations are beginning to be made in our home and hearts. And as excited as I am... all I have to say to conclude is this, If I have to bend over and pick ONE MORE thing up off the floor...
signed
*the whale that swallowed Jonah*

lost in translation

Why is it that we are always tested when we feel down already? Sometimes I feel like there is someone hiding that is going to jump out and yell at me "Suprise! Don't worry this isn't what your REAL life will be like!". ok.... you can come out any time now....
If I'm being honest with myself one of the biggest things that I struggle with as a wife mother and woman in general is guilt. I'm sure MANY moms can relate to that. It feels like I can't roll out of bed in the morning without starting the day feeling guilty about something I have, or have not done. I'm beginning to realize that this is a terrible way to live. I think that somewhere in the chapter of a woman's life when she is having children, It's far to easy to become lost in what is needed from others and lose focus on what is needed by yourself without feeling guilty about it. The things that are needed to complete yourself as a person and make you the best you can be aside from the other titles that you have found yourself carrying around on your shoulders (wife mother... dare I say slave =)... ) Not that I don't love these things and love striving to be GOOD at them, BUT at the end of the day if someone was to pose the question to me "tell me a little bit about yourself" I would answer with a big smile on my face the typical mom answer "Well I have been married for 4 years have a beautiful 2 year old daughter that I am very thankfull for and another daughter on the way." Not that these things are not true, or that they are not one of the most important threads weaving the story of my life together, but when I step back to see what the other fibers are that are making me who I am what do I see? This is where I have found myself lost. I know this all sounds very deep and silly, but as I can see the world around me changing and my family growing before my eyes I can't help but stop and stare in the mirror and wonder.... who are you again???
This is where my new journey begins. I am on the hunt to find out who I am, what I love, what I'm good at, what I'm passionate about and most of all who I want to be and how I'm going to get there!
*just a side note that all my jabber this morning is coming after a long night up with Gabby not sleeping and Dave not home to help me, lot's of time to think and ponder =) now its time for COFFEE!!!!!!!!!

*a little lost in translation*

Hormones

Is it bad that I feel disappointed to only have earned $41 at the depot? I guess we just weren't as thirsty this year =) oh well it's money towards the decor and paint in Gabby's new big girl room! Can't wait to get it started, the paint has been picked and the bedding has been bought! My little girl isn't a baby anymore. I think that realization is starting to set in, I'm sure every mom goes through that moment in time when your second baby arrives and it is so evident that your first born is not your "baby" anymore. I feel that transition starting as we make preparations for the newbie and move Gabby into the big girl room, I wonder how long it will take me to have a hormonal break down during this process? I feel the storm brewing....

Bottle depot

So today we embark on the stinky dirty task of taking our bottles to the depot to cash in for lot's of $$$$. The thing is this will only be our THIRD time since we have been married to bring ourselves to getting it over with. The funny thing about it is that I am fondly remembering our first time, picture Dave and I, I am at least 8 months pregnant and unloading wine, beer, and pop bottles cart after cart after cart we wander our way up to the till wait our usual forever to get any service and then voila! roughly $100 later... yes people $100.... thats A LOT of beer bottles for a pregnant lady =) I just laughed at the look on peoples faces, tsk tsk.... what a shame... poor baby. The second time was a little better, we had Gabby in tow and managed to only rack up around $80. So here I find myself again, large and in charge, headed to the depot again for our annual exchange! any guesses on how much loot we will get this time?keep posted to find out!
signed... That pregnant lady with all the beer bottles =)

Is anyone out there?

I decided today as my 2 year old daughter was rolling around on the floor screaming because she didn't want to use her manners, that I was going to reach out to the world around me and share some of my experiences and hope that someone can relate =) Really this is just a place for me to come and share thoughts, feelings and of course lot's of stories! Hopefully someone is out there!!!