Ok, so the blog wouldn't let me add pictures for some reason so here they are!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Fresh feeling
It's amazing how quickly the feeling of complacency can take over your life. To me, change is necessary. I have been feeling the need for change for a while, a long while. And its hard to know how much change will satisfy your soul, so I started with my hair, that worked for a few days. Then it was onto our bedroom, which I had been wanting to change for a while.. fixed it with a new coat of paint and a slight furniture rearrangement. *SIGH* that feels better.. for now.. Then I was feeling EXTREMELY unhappy with our house, the inside anyways. Is there ever something that you wish that you could do, that you think that can't be that hard. Yet when you try to do it, you just can't! Well decorating is that way for me, I LOVE The thought of decorating a room and making it magical, yet when I look at our house I am completely overwhelmed. So after getting more frustrated than any human being should be about her home we decided to "just start moving things around".... 4 hours later, we were still moving things and even more frustrated! WHY IS THIS SPACE SUCH A CHALLENGE!! I want my home to be beautiful and make me feel good when I walk through the door, not annoyed. So we finally found a way that suits for now, and I feel a little better, now the next thing is to start the daunting task of painting... what color.. where to put everything... where to put the kids so they don't get into the paint... on and on it goes. I will settle for the small victories now, but I am not giving up on the big picture! My newest passion is to find the hidden gems in thrift stores, or make things better that we already have in our home. For example, I was wanting new lamps, but instead of going to walmart to buy some generic lame ones... umm... like we already have lol, I decided to go hunting for some unique pieces to add some character to our home, and I found a great lamp shade for 3 dollars!!! I am not trying to say that I find joy in materialistic things, but more that you need to surround yourself with things and people that make you feel good. Waking up in the morning and being surrounded by things I love makes me smile, and walking out of our bedroom and seeing my beautiful children playing in a home that I have created makes my heart feel tingly. So onward on this journey I go, working on the inner me and the outer surroundings as well! I will keep you posted on the progress! for now here are some pictures
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Grace,
Ok... your probably sick of me commenting lol but I just can't help it =) I feel like I am SO on this journey with you.... well... ok you maybe be running, and starting to be active and I am just sitting at the computer reading about your accomplishments but in spirit I am there with you =) I am sorting out the mental game of this chapter of my life. Its devastatingly hard to take a real look at what is going on inside and outside of my body. Jealousy is my worst enemy, and it's not something that I like about myself. I have learned to be "openly jealous" if that makes any sense, I am not one to keep my feelings inside (clearly) and it helps me to not internalize my feelings and therefor feel fake. Now I would never try to make anyone feel uncomfortable with my jealousy, usually it comes out in a complimentary factor but its still there lining my words with pain of the things I cannot have. "WOW your house is beautiful, I would love to have a house like this" "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC, share your secrets to losing the baby weight!! I can't seem to get rid of it!" "It's so great that you spend so much time with your kids reading and playing, I wish I had the time to play with them like that"... you know, the classics. Right now I feel like I am stuck in the middle, everyone say's "you have to give yourself time" I realize this but how much is enough time and when do you say enough and get your butt moving. The thing that I can't stand is that I already feel active... Maybe not like "going for a 5 km run everyday" kind of active, because I can hardly make it around my block but like most mom's I am on my feet from 7:30-9 literally without sitting down, I run around cleaning, taking care of the kids, working from home, cleaning again, making supper, cleaning again, getting the kids ready for bed and then by 8:30-9 once everything is quiet and I have had my first chance to sit.... working out is not my first choice.... now I just have to figure out a way to fix this problem, any suggestions? and I know most people think, Get your husband to help you!! But my husband is a dear, and he does help me, maybe not as much as he could, but more than most I would say. He also has a lot on his plate and trying to find time to help me more than he already does, seems like a task all in itself!
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO anyways enough of my pity party, all that too say that I am definitely in a weird place right now, like I said, in the middle. I am going to allow myself more time, but I am also working on a plan, I think that if I plan enough and work with our schedules I can MAKE time for myself! I am determined to "be happy with myself" to me I don't want to lose a certain amount of weight, I think I just want to feel balanced, in all areas of my life, and that definitely means making more "me time" and that would be great for that to include a workout from time to time =) I think that I just want to find things that I ENJOY to do, not just working out for the sake of losing weight, I just want to focus on meeeeeeeeeee... just for a minute, then I will get back to the cleaning, cooking, wiping dirty bums, disciplining, more cleaning, working ....then repeat...
Ok... your probably sick of me commenting lol but I just can't help it =) I feel like I am SO on this journey with you.... well... ok you maybe be running, and starting to be active and I am just sitting at the computer reading about your accomplishments but in spirit I am there with you =) I am sorting out the mental game of this chapter of my life. Its devastatingly hard to take a real look at what is going on inside and outside of my body. Jealousy is my worst enemy, and it's not something that I like about myself. I have learned to be "openly jealous" if that makes any sense, I am not one to keep my feelings inside (clearly) and it helps me to not internalize my feelings and therefor feel fake. Now I would never try to make anyone feel uncomfortable with my jealousy, usually it comes out in a complimentary factor but its still there lining my words with pain of the things I cannot have. "WOW your house is beautiful, I would love to have a house like this" "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC, share your secrets to losing the baby weight!! I can't seem to get rid of it!" "It's so great that you spend so much time with your kids reading and playing, I wish I had the time to play with them like that"... you know, the classics. Right now I feel like I am stuck in the middle, everyone say's "you have to give yourself time" I realize this but how much is enough time and when do you say enough and get your butt moving. The thing that I can't stand is that I already feel active... Maybe not like "going for a 5 km run everyday" kind of active, because I can hardly make it around my block but like most mom's I am on my feet from 7:30-9 literally without sitting down, I run around cleaning, taking care of the kids, working from home, cleaning again, making supper, cleaning again, getting the kids ready for bed and then by 8:30-9 once everything is quiet and I have had my first chance to sit.... working out is not my first choice.... now I just have to figure out a way to fix this problem, any suggestions? and I know most people think, Get your husband to help you!! But my husband is a dear, and he does help me, maybe not as much as he could, but more than most I would say. He also has a lot on his plate and trying to find time to help me more than he already does, seems like a task all in itself!
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO anyways enough of my pity party, all that too say that I am definitely in a weird place right now, like I said, in the middle. I am going to allow myself more time, but I am also working on a plan, I think that if I plan enough and work with our schedules I can MAKE time for myself! I am determined to "be happy with myself" to me I don't want to lose a certain amount of weight, I think I just want to feel balanced, in all areas of my life, and that definitely means making more "me time" and that would be great for that to include a workout from time to time =) I think that I just want to find things that I ENJOY to do, not just working out for the sake of losing weight, I just want to focus on meeeeeeeeeee... just for a minute, then I will get back to the cleaning, cooking, wiping dirty bums, disciplining, more cleaning, working ....then repeat...
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