it's just as easy to be kind

Have you ever had someone speak untruth's about you, and accuse you of things that simply did not happen. Did you let it roll off or did it sneak in and set root in your spirit? Someone put me in a situation that made me feel attacked and backed into a corner, and somehow, this has now somehow shaped my confidence. It creeps out of the dark and catches me when I least expect it, accusation and doubt of my character. Even though I TRULY know who I am, it's amazing the power of people's words, how one persons defamation of character can make you question the person that you have spent 25 years shaping. This is not the first time someone has spoken this way about me, and It will not be the last. Some people feel better about themselves by attacking others, and in the past I have worked to not let the words take hold, but sometimes, just sometimes they creep up and smack me in the face. today has been one of those days. So I am now trying to remind myself of who I am, and who I am in the Lord. This NO ONE can take from me. spread the love people....

Today I am reminded of someone I never had the chance to know, someone that never had the chance to watch me grow, accomplish and learn. Someone that will never meet my wonderful husband, never hug and kiss my precious children, never witnessed me graduate, marry and bring life into the world. I am reminded that the person that wanted me more than anything in the world was taken from me without a goodbye. I am sad today.
I am told stories of how my mom tried SO hard to have a girl, now I have two older amazing brothers that she loved equally, but they were not mummy's little girl. I am told of the books that she read, the old wives tales she believed and the miscarry's she endured to get to me, I am told she would have done anything to have a girl.... to have me. To know that someone will love you this much, makes me feel special, unfortunately I have very few memories of this love, and as I have grown the only thing I have ever wanted was to share my life with her, to feel that love, to see her smile with pride of her little girl. I hold close the memories I have and as I hit these major milestones in my life I realize that she is still here, watching my story unfold.
I don't think it is any coincidence that I have two girls, that was the plan for me. However it pains me to know that she will never have the special love for them that grandmas only have. She will never spoil them and spend special time with them, telling them stories, and teaching them the things she would have taught me.
I cannot be mad about what happened, I refuse to live that way, tying to place blame that cannot be placed. But I can be sad, not every day, but once and a while, I will be sad.... today I am sad
*hold tight the ones you love*


*sorry for such a glum post, just sharing my story *