Marriage under fire

Here is what I am learning, children aren't easy, marriage isn't easy, work isn't easy, life isn't easy... So what?  Does this mean you give up? Does this mean you walk out on your family? Does it mean you make wine your best friend instead of your husband?.. well maybe a little on that last one =)  But really,   It is hard, but it is not impossible.  This is where I am at.  My next wish is that there was support out there for people that are struggling,  guidance as a family grows, a marriage grows, a woman grows.  I still feel like everyone is in there own bubble pretending that everything is alright, and behind doors they are wondering if they are the only one that feels like they could just leave dinner in the oven and walk out on their family for a few hours.  I know I am not the only one.  I know I have said that as mothers we need to support each other and offer encouragement instead of judgment, this is still true.  But today is a different note,  I think that older, dare I say wiser lol, couples should mentor younger couples and guide them through the rollercoaster that a marriage is.  Now I know that not everyone is going through the SAME things, but really most of the "feelings" are the same, actions affect us in the same way.  I wish there were mentors that walked through the journey with us, telling us what they went through and showing us how they dealt with it, giving us a glimpse into the years to come.  Instead of scraping by wondering when this stage will end, I would like a rough estimate of the issues I will face 5 years in, 10 years in, 25 years in... yes I plan on getting that far in =)!!! I love my husband, I may not like him at times, but he is my partner, my best friend, the father of my children and the other half of me.  I will never stop working on things, whether it's guided by someone's wisdom, or navigated by ourselves, we will figure it out.  Marriage is not something I take lightly and will not place blame on my husband for things that should or shouldn't be without first looking in the mirror and searching for my part in the situation.  I am trying to become the master of compromise,  marriage is nothing without compromise.  I hope that this encourages people to be open, I do not mean to divulge every last nitty gritty detail of your marriage, and talk poorly about your spouse and think that will help.  Conversations need to be constructive, and criticism needs to come with an well thought out answer to the situation.  It will not help to spew things that are not meeting your needs out of anger, without a way to solve the problem.  In voicing your needs to your partner I believe it should be respected, heard, and changed.  End of story.  If Dave says to me "I need to stay at work and be able to meet with people if they come in to talk to develop relationships" My response might be "Ok well then I am no longer going to be making supper for 5:30, supper will be at 6 whether you are home or not... and you better be home by 6 =) "  Instead of me being upset and waiting and trying to keep supper warm, I will meet his needs and compromise to make supper later.  This is not going to kill me, it's not ideal, but it is not impossible!  Its in the little things that a great foundation is built, start with small issues and work on communicating your way up to the big things.  I think that if you make a rational concern and voice that in a constructive loving manner, the other person cannot disregard it.  This is disrespectful to the marriage and the other person... not cool.  Peace and Love people =)
OK, I think I am done my marriage seminar now lol, Thanks for tuning in, hopefully this is encouragement for my friends and I have said it before I am pretty much an open book! I am not afraid to share my struggles and my victories! If anyone needs any support or wisdom from some one that has been together for almost 10 years and married for 5 two kids and a lot of compromise I am your girl!!!! XX

-K

4 am

Why must we meet every morning, before the sun has even begun to rise? Why won't you sleep? What is going on that I cannot seem to help you with?  All this does is add to my lack of patience and feelings of frustration.  The war against feeling like a failure as a mother is slowly being lost, one battle at a time.  Why does my one year old not sleep.  People will continue to attempt to support me with a blanket of "it will pass, hold on", but when for the last 11 months of your life you have not gotten more than 4-5 hours of good sleep, you will begin to doubt this passing.  I keep thinking of things I should be doing with this time, seeing as it is going to be a part of my life forever it seems.  Maybe I should exercise?Read?Bath?Bake?Blog?... Obviously not try to sleep.  This will be disrupted every 3-8 minutes with a crying child, that you have repeatedly tried to soothe.  You will not try to wake your husband because why should both of you not sleep?  Why is it that as a mother you decide that you will suffer for your family?  I will not let her cry it out when my husband is starting a new job and needs his sleep,  I'm too good of a wife for that... or am I? When lack of sleep wears down on me every day, to my core, I stagger through my days, minute to minute trying to keep everything together and everyone accounted for.  Who is taking care of me?  There are moments that I am trying to, attempting to "put myself first", like taking time out a few days a week to get out of the house and exercise, great, now I'm even more tired.  At this point if I have to listen to my baby scream one more time, I am going to permanently leave to exercise, no matter how tired I am.  Why can't I fast forward to when I am having to wake them up in the morning and drag them out of bed.  I am not forgetting that with every age comes different trials, but I feel I would be better equipped to deal with the trials of having a one year old and three year old to deal with every day if I was getting a wee bit of sleep.  Just for the record.. it's 6:11 and It has now been quiet for 9 minutes... hopefully she will stay that way.. as for me, I will go start the coffee, the three year old will be up very shortly.