not funny

Today is the day that I think I might have lost my mind officially. Let me paint a little picture for you...
After a long night of roughly 3-4 hours of sleep, my gracious husband informed me that he would stay home to take care of the girls and allow me to get some rest. Little did I know this day would turn into anything but restful. I decided that I would take advantage of him being home and run quickly into town to superstore to pick up the things we needed for family coming into town for Easter. I thought to myself, great It will be so much easier without the girls. I can get in and out and get home to rest for the rest of the day..... hmmmm not so much.
I arrive at superstore and have taken Dave's car and left him the truck with the car seats, I go to get my cart and realise there is an older man that is yanking on his cart trying to get it loose. I offer to help because I have found myself in the same situation before and this is no way to start your time at the chaos that we call superstore. I free the cart for him and get my own, head into the store race around to get my things, make it to the till without too much damage to my credit card and then head for the door. Now I have never lost anything before. Never my wallet, phone, or keys so to my horror I am rummaging around in my purse to find no keys.... panic sets in. This is not what I need on this day of utter exhaustion. I push my cart outside searching around on the ground thinking I may have dropped it when I was so kindly helping a stranger. Why is karma not on my side? NO key. I return to the store and circle the same round 300000 times and still no key, I call dave, pretty much full panic attack now. "Tired hormonal crazy lady in aisle 3" I hear come over the speakers.. ok I added that part, but Im sure they were close to that when I got on my hands and knees and went up and down the aisles looking underneath all of the shelving to see if someone had kicked it underneath... still nothing. I am at a loss. Now normally to any sane person this would be not such a big deal, to me, on the brink of insanity, exhausted and overly emotional, this is the end of the world. It would also be much easier to deal with this moment if I knew at home there was a sweet little back up key sitting waiting to be brought to me and solve all my problems.. no such luck either. We decided to buy a stupid car with an electric key and no back up. Now this lovely car of ours is also a royal pain to tow as well because it is an all wheel drive and the wheels are all locked without the key.. great. we need a special flat bed truck and even with this truck they have to drag the car to get it on top. Rad. So as the $$$$$ are adding up in my mind, I am tinkering with the thought of never leaving the house again and becoming a hermit. I feel like a failure and I usually pride myself on being very organized and on top of things, not so much anymore. Im not sure if it is just me or if other mom's lost their minds when the had their kids, mine has not returned and I am debating on wether it will or if I am doomed to a life of forgetting, losing and ultimately being frustrated with myself over these things. .... here is where I find myself, no brain, no car, no self asteem, and out a lot of money to put the cherry on top of my day. What did I do to deserve this again? Oh thats right, I helped a stranger in need... hmmm that doesn't add up. I guess that's the way life is though, not always adding up. So now I am at home, trying to calm down and take care of those that cannot take care of themselves. Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are in a place like this in your life, But I am holding on to the thought that somewhere in this darkness there is indeed some light... now just to find it

time flies

Wow, 3 weeks have come and gone and we are rapidly approaching the fourth week of life for our new baby Layla. I have sat down a few times at the computer set out to post a new blog and time after time have found myself at a loss for words. Who knew a major life change like this would leave me speechless? I thought I would have stories and questions and updates to share, but all that comes to mind is.. well.. nothing. Not sure if this is good or bad, but I am going to take it as good! I guess it could be much worse! I guess I can just report that all is well with our new babe, and Gabriella is adjusting really well to her new sister.
I have been fortunate enough to have had Nana here for the last 3 weeks to help with the cooking, cleaning, playing, changing, burping, laundry... you get the picture! Now I am left to figure it out on my own and so far so good. I only wonder, and I mean no judgment, how could anyone survive having 19 kids? who wants to be up every 4 hours in the night for their whole life?? I love my kids but listen, Mom needs some sleep! So far the hardest thing for me is getting back to sleep, for anyone that knows me well they know that I have and always will struggle with my sleep. Add a newborn to that equation and VOILA tired mummy. So far the battle is the late morning feed anything after 5 am and I cannot go back to sleep, this is proving to be extremely frustrating and obviously tiring. But this too shall pass! All I wish is that I had a HUGE soaker tub and could get up and have a nice hot bubble bath and maybe 5:30 could be mummy time. Not ideal but if I am going to be up I might as well be relaxing in a bath... but then I come to terms with my reality and my small square horribly uncomfortable tub is just not going to cut it in the wee hours of the morning.
So I am off to bed, to attempt to get a few hours of sleep before the hard part of the night arrives. I am glad it's the weekend, and maybe I can stay in bed tomorrow all I know is there will be a BIG cup of coffee ready for me when I am up all thanks to my wonderful husband! Sleep well all you who don't have babies! Get a few hours of sleep for me =)

life change

Well here I sit, nerves getting the best of me. Anticipating the monumental change that tomorrow will be in my life, the day my child is born. I am eager to get to tomorrow for the thrill of finally getting to hold this new life in my arms, and excited to give my tummy a much needed rest =) However it's seemingly hard to not get a little wrapped up in the other hurdles that tomorrow will bring, surgery, sleepless nights, and much chaos I'm sure! I am trying to keep as busy as possible but then at any given moment I catch myself and my heart races and palms sweat, tomorrow will be here faster than I can imagine. I am hopeful that all will go according to plan and baby Sohnchie will be healthy and happy. I think the moment that I look forward to most is Gabby getting to meet her baby sister, she has been so interested and excited to have her own baby to play with. No doubt she will be a great and helpful big sister! Well here we go! Tonight I will go to bed uncomfortable and a mother of one, and tomorrow I will go to bed, well let's be honest probably uncomfortable haha in a different way, and a mother of 2!!! wish us luck, be praying for us, surgery is scheduled for 9 AM! we will keep everyone posted and keep on the look out for pictures!!