Grace,
Ok... your probably sick of me commenting lol but I just can't help it =) I feel like I am SO on this journey with you.... well... ok you maybe be running, and starting to be active and I am just sitting at the computer reading about your accomplishments but in spirit I am there with you =) I am sorting out the mental game of this chapter of my life. Its devastatingly hard to take a real look at what is going on inside and outside of my body. Jealousy is my worst enemy, and it's not something that I like about myself. I have learned to be "openly jealous" if that makes any sense, I am not one to keep my feelings inside (clearly) and it helps me to not internalize my feelings and therefor feel fake. Now I would never try to make anyone feel uncomfortable with my jealousy, usually it comes out in a complimentary factor but its still there lining my words with pain of the things I cannot have. "WOW your house is beautiful, I would love to have a house like this" "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC, share your secrets to losing the baby weight!! I can't seem to get rid of it!" "It's so great that you spend so much time with your kids reading and playing, I wish I had the time to play with them like that"... you know, the classics. Right now I feel like I am stuck in the middle, everyone say's "you have to give yourself time" I realize this but how much is enough time and when do you say enough and get your butt moving. The thing that I can't stand is that I already feel active... Maybe not like "going for a 5 km run everyday" kind of active, because I can hardly make it around my block but like most mom's I am on my feet from 7:30-9 literally without sitting down, I run around cleaning, taking care of the kids, working from home, cleaning again, making supper, cleaning again, getting the kids ready for bed and then by 8:30-9 once everything is quiet and I have had my first chance to sit.... working out is not my first choice.... now I just have to figure out a way to fix this problem, any suggestions? and I know most people think, Get your husband to help you!! But my husband is a dear, and he does help me, maybe not as much as he could, but more than most I would say. He also has a lot on his plate and trying to find time to help me more than he already does, seems like a task all in itself!
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO anyways enough of my pity party, all that too say that I am definitely in a weird place right now, like I said, in the middle. I am going to allow myself more time, but I am also working on a plan, I think that if I plan enough and work with our schedules I can MAKE time for myself! I am determined to "be happy with myself" to me I don't want to lose a certain amount of weight, I think I just want to feel balanced, in all areas of my life, and that definitely means making more "me time" and that would be great for that to include a workout from time to time =) I think that I just want to find things that I ENJOY to do, not just working out for the sake of losing weight, I just want to focus on meeeeeeeeeee... just for a minute, then I will get back to the cleaning, cooking, wiping dirty bums, disciplining, more cleaning, working ....then repeat...