Today I am reminded of someone I never had the chance to know, someone that never had the chance to watch me grow, accomplish and learn. Someone that will never meet my wonderful husband, never hug and kiss my precious children, never witnessed me graduate, marry and bring life into the world. I am reminded that the person that wanted me more than anything in the world was taken from me without a goodbye. I am sad today.
I am told stories of how my mom tried SO hard to have a girl, now I have two older amazing brothers that she loved equally, but they were not mummy's little girl. I am told of the books that she read, the old wives tales she believed and the miscarry's she endured to get to me, I am told she would have done anything to have a girl.... to have me. To know that someone will love you this much, makes me feel special, unfortunately I have very few memories of this love, and as I have grown the only thing I have ever wanted was to share my life with her, to feel that love, to see her smile with pride of her little girl. I hold close the memories I have and as I hit these major milestones in my life I realize that she is still here, watching my story unfold.
I don't think it is any coincidence that I have two girls, that was the plan for me. However it pains me to know that she will never have the special love for them that grandmas only have. She will never spoil them and spend special time with them, telling them stories, and teaching them the things she would have taught me.
I cannot be mad about what happened, I refuse to live that way, tying to place blame that cannot be placed. But I can be sad, not every day, but once and a while, I will be sad.... today I am sad
*hold tight the ones you love*


*sorry for such a glum post, just sharing my story *