Why is it that we are always tested when we feel down already? Sometimes I feel like there is someone hiding that is going to jump out and yell at me "Suprise! Don't worry this isn't what your REAL life will be like!". ok.... you can come out any time now....
If I'm being honest with myself one of the biggest things that I struggle with as a wife mother and woman in general is guilt. I'm sure MANY moms can relate to that. It feels like I can't roll out of bed in the morning without starting the day feeling guilty about something I have, or have not done. I'm beginning to realize that this is a terrible way to live. I think that somewhere in the chapter of a woman's life when she is having children, It's far to easy to become lost in what is needed from others and lose focus on what is needed by yourself without feeling guilty about it. The things that are needed to complete yourself as a person and make you the best you can be aside from the other titles that you have found yourself carrying around on your shoulders (wife mother... dare I say slave =)... ) Not that I don't love these things and love striving to be GOOD at them, BUT at the end of the day if someone was to pose the question to me "tell me a little bit about yourself" I would answer with a big smile on my face the typical mom answer "Well I have been married for 4 years have a beautiful 2 year old daughter that I am very thankfull for and another daughter on the way." Not that these things are not true, or that they are not one of the most important threads weaving the story of my life together, but when I step back to see what the other fibers are that are making me who I am what do I see? This is where I have found myself lost. I know this all sounds very deep and silly, but as I can see the world around me changing and my family growing before my eyes I can't help but stop and stare in the mirror and wonder.... who are you again???
This is where my new journey begins. I am on the hunt to find out who I am, what I love, what I'm good at, what I'm passionate about and most of all who I want to be and how I'm going to get there!
*just a side note that all my jabber this morning is coming after a long night up with Gabby not sleeping and Dave not home to help me, lot's of time to think and ponder =) now its time for COFFEE!!!!!!!!!
*a little lost in translation*
Ahh... guilt. Sign me up. Guilt and worry are two badges that we mothers must surrender daily because, let's face it, we all struggle with it. Plus, in our "girls can do it all" society, we are expected to do it all.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, my friend, your babies are young and as the years go on, you'll find yourself again. I love to read. And dance. And laugh. I'm pretty sure I could be the next successful host of the Tonight Show.